Here Are Your Weekly Horoscopes For The Week Of October 9th

November 3, 2017

Well, we survived a full moon last week and Mercury isn’t in retrograde or any shit like that this week, so unless you’re due for some sort of monster period or something, your week should be pretty smooth sailing no matter what sign you’re under. Something to note: Jupiter moves into Scorpio this week, which is great news for the water signs—Cancer, Scorpio and Pisces. Jupiter will stay there for,…

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Zara’s Cheaper Sister Brand, Bershka, Just Opened A Store In The U.S.

October 31, 2017

Zara fans, big news: Zara’s sister brand is opening up a pop-up shop for three months in NYC. The younger-targeted brand is called Bershka, and before we dive any further into this, we’ve got to talk about the name. Was anyone else’s immediate reaction some joke about babushkas? Or something you might call your Russian grandma? Or was that just me? And for those of you know-it-alls who are like, “well…

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Arie Luyendyk Jr.’s New Promo Video Is So Embarrassing

I was having a great Friday, reading about DeMario desperately clinging to shreds of relevance publicly dragging Chris Harrison, until some new Bachelor news popped up. Don’t get too excited, because it’s not anything good—just Arie Luyendyk Jr.’s new promo. Yeah, I know we were all hoping for something more exciting, but it’s the off-season in the Bachelor-verse so we’re all just going to have to take what we can…

October 28, 2017
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The Easiest Way To Make Sure You Actually Stick To Your Workout

The hardest part of working out is just going to the gym—and then doing it the next day, and the next… Once you’re there you usually have a good time and you always feel better about yourself when it’s over. In a lot of ways, it’s just like going on a vacation. Nobody wants to plan it, but once you’re hanging poolside with a piña colada in your hand, you…

October 23, 2017
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A Look Back At The Biggest Fuckboys In ‘Are You The One?’ History

Exciting times are coming, y’all. Since basically shit the bed this season, it’s time to turn our sights to , the only dating show that has had success on MTV since t #tbt. As the resident Expert at Betches *puts on business card*, I’m here to enlighten your uncultured minds to the beauty that is a bunch of drunk, moronic twentysomethings stuck in a house with nothing but an abnormally…

October 19, 2017
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Quiz: Am I Pregnant?

In a world where three Kardashian sisters are pregnant at the same time (reportedly), one starts to wonder: Am I pregnant? Am I a member of this pregnancy pact too?  When will Kris break the news to TMZ? Obviously, you have to be prepared so you know when to act like your pregnancy reports don’t exist and go about your normal life while you watch everyone torturing themselves trying to figure…

October 15, 2017
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4 Ways You Can Help The Victims Of The Las Vegas Shooting

Another day, another horrific mass shooting to wake up to that makes you question everything we’re doing as a nation. Last night, a lone gunman opened fire on an outdoor concert in Las Vegas, killing 50 people and injuring 400. The shooter, Stephen Paddock, died of self-inflicted gunshot wounds before police could apprehend him. So yeah, here we are again. And since we obviously can’t count on the president during…

October 14, 2017
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Kylie Jenner Is Reportedly Pregnant With Travis Scott’s Baby

Stop everything and take a fucking Xanax immediately because I have some disturbing exciting news: Kylie Jenner, the 20-year-old Bratz doll come to life, is reportedly pregnant with Travis Scott’s baby. Yep, that’s right. While her ex Tyga is slumming it with a Kim K lookalike, Kylie went and got herself knocked up. Mazel tov, I guess. According to TMZ, Scott has been telling everyone and their drugged-out stepmom that…

October 14, 2017
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What Your AIM Screen Name Says About The Type Of Awkward Middle Schooler You Were

A few weeks ago, Toys ‘R’ Us declared bankruptcy and we all thought, “Okay so my childhood is officially dead.” Now, I regret to inform you that your middle school years are also dead,  because AIM is shutting down after 20 years of faithful service. Shocked to find out that AIM is still a thing? Same. But also like, nooooo don’t go! Anyone who was anyone in seventh grade had…

October 12, 2017
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I Did The Keto Diet Where I Ate All Fat And No Carbs & It Went Better Than You’d Expect

Welcome to the fourth installment of the Fad Diet Diaries: a series of experiments, where I willingly put myself through diets that range from challenging to questionable to downright abhorred by the medical community and then record my experience so that other people can learn from my mistakes. Both my doctor and my metabolism are thrilled. While in the past I’ve tested out crash cleanses, obscure 90s fad diets, and…

October 8, 2017
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You Could Be Corinne Olympios’ Full-Time Assistant & Here’s How

Good news for those of you who are dissatisfied with your current employment: A job just opened up that will either be the best thing that ever happened to you, or a -On-Steroids-esque nightmare. Corinne Olympios is looking for an assistant. I’ll give you a second to take that in. Ms. Olympios (as I’m sure you’ll be required to call her) put out the call for personal assistants via Insta…

October 1, 2017
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You’re Gonna Want To Try The New LaCroix Flavor ASAP

Your excuse to drink a vodka soda on a Tuesday is here: LaCroix is coming out with a new flavor, and you’re going to want to try it ASAP. Well. Okay. Full disclosure, the flavor isn’t available for purchase just yet, but I’m not here to stomp on anyone’s dreams. LaCroix sent out the new flavor to shareholders and told investors it’s “ready to launch,” so hopefully we’ll be able…

September 24, 2017
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The Best ‘Bachelor In Paradise’ Finale Recap You’ll Ever Read: The Last Day Of Amanda’s Childless Vacation

Well fam, we did it. We made it to the finale of and all it took was one sex ed class from Chris Harrison, a crudely mishandled sexual assault allegation, the downfall of Dean, and more scallop jokes than were really necessary. BUT WE FUCKING DID IT. I feel like I’ve aged 20 years in the process and my liver has definitely taken a hit here, but I guess I’ll…

September 17, 2017
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