Quiz: Am I Pregnant?

October 15, 2017

In a world where three Kardashian sisters are pregnant at the same time (reportedly), one starts to wonder: Am I pregnant? Am I a member of this pregnancy pact too?  When will Kris break the news to TMZ? Obviously, you have to be prepared so you know when to act like your pregnancy reports don’t exist and go about your normal life while you watch everyone torturing themselves trying to figure…

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4 Ways You Can Help The Victims Of The Las Vegas Shooting

October 14, 2017

Another day, another horrific mass shooting to wake up to that makes you question everything we’re doing as a nation. Last night, a lone gunman opened fire on an outdoor concert in Las Vegas, killing 50 people and injuring 400. The shooter, Stephen Paddock, died of self-inflicted gunshot wounds before police could apprehend him. So yeah, here we are again. And since we obviously can’t count on the president during…

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Kylie Jenner Is Reportedly Pregnant With Travis Scott’s Baby

October 14, 2017

Stop everything and take a fucking Xanax immediately because I have some disturbing exciting news: Kylie Jenner, the 20-year-old Bratz doll come to life, is reportedly pregnant with Travis Scott’s baby. Yep, that’s right. While her ex Tyga is slumming it with a Kim K lookalike, Kylie went and got herself knocked up. Mazel tov, I guess. According to TMZ, Scott has been telling everyone and their drugged-out stepmom that…

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What Your AIM Screen Name Says About The Type Of Awkward Middle Schooler You Were

October 12, 2017

A few weeks ago, Toys ‘R’ Us declared bankruptcy and we all thought, “Okay so my childhood is officially dead.” Now, I regret to inform you that your middle school years are also dead,  because AIM is shutting down after 20 years of faithful service. Shocked to find out that AIM is still a thing? Same. But also like, nooooo don’t go! Anyone who was anyone in seventh grade had…

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I Did The Keto Diet Where I Ate All Fat And No Carbs & It Went Better Than You’d Expect

October 8, 2017

Welcome to the fourth installment of the Fad Diet Diaries: a series of experiments, where I willingly put myself through diets that range from challenging to questionable to downright abhorred by the medical community and then record my experience so that other people can learn from my mistakes. Both my doctor and my metabolism are thrilled. While in the past I’ve tested out crash cleanses, obscure 90s fad diets, and…

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You Could Be Corinne Olympios’ Full-Time Assistant & Here’s How

October 1, 2017

Good news for those of you who are dissatisfied with your current employment: A job just opened up that will either be the best thing that ever happened to you, or a -On-Steroids-esque nightmare. Corinne Olympios is looking for an assistant. I’ll give you a second to take that in. Ms. Olympios (as I’m sure you’ll be required to call her) put out the call for personal assistants via Insta…

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You’re Gonna Want To Try The New LaCroix Flavor ASAP

Your excuse to drink a vodka soda on a Tuesday is here: LaCroix is coming out with a new flavor, and you’re going to want to try it ASAP. Well. Okay. Full disclosure, the flavor isn’t available for purchase just yet, but I’m not here to stomp on anyone’s dreams. LaCroix sent out the new flavor to shareholders and told investors it’s “ready to launch,” so hopefully we’ll be able…

September 24, 2017
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The Best ‘Bachelor In Paradise’ Finale Recap You’ll Ever Read: The Last Day Of Amanda’s Childless Vacation

Well fam, we did it. We made it to the finale of and all it took was one sex ed class from Chris Harrison, a crudely mishandled sexual assault allegation, the downfall of Dean, and more scallop jokes than were really necessary. BUT WE FUCKING DID IT. I feel like I’ve aged 20 years in the process and my liver has definitely taken a hit here, but I guess I’ll…

September 17, 2017
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What Your Sorority Says About You

Labor Day weekend has come and gone (RIP, my liver), and that means school is back in session. Tis the season for leggings disguised as pants, waiting to buy your books until halfway through the semester, and sorority rush aka the most soul-sucking, Spanx-up-your-ass, I-will-cunt-punt-a-bitch-if-I-hear-that-song-one-more-time kind of season. Whether you’re gearing up to rush for the first time or gearing up to judge the shit out of new freshmen’s last…

September 11, 2017
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‘Game Of Thrones’ Recap: Eastwatch Bound & Down

The episode opens on the fiery graveyard that is the Reach and luckily for all of us, the show runners didnt even decide to further entertain the thought of Jaime or Bronns death. They come crawling out of the lake on the opposite end of the shore, away from where Daenerys and company have set up camp. The first, wholly ungrateful words out of Jaimes mouth: You could have killed…

September 10, 2017
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‘Game Of Thrones’ Finale Recap: Winter Came

Well friends, we’ve made it through another season of and what’s really fucking me up about this finale is that it didn’t give us a mind-numbing plot twist, horrifying death, or really anything that we didn’t expect. In fact, with the exception of maybe the death of Littlefinger (which I totally called but it’s fine), we all predicted just about everything that was going to happen in this finale. Jon…

September 3, 2017
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The Best ‘Bachelor In Paradise’ Recap You’ll Ever Read, Week 1 Night 1: Iggy Doesn’t Even Go Here

Well fam, we made it. After a sexual assault scandal, a production shutdown, and countless suicide threats by me rumors, we somehow made it to the season four premier. I for one cannot believe I am writing this recappartially because Ive never done it before, and partially because I cannot believe that after shitting on this franchise for like, a month straight and personally avowing to boycott a show Ive…

August 24, 2017
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Your Friend Who Orders Gin & Tonics Is A Psychopath, According To Science

We all have those gin-drinking friends. Don’t get me wrong, I can get down on a gin and tonic, but like, I’ll drink anything that makes me forget how terrible work was, so I don’t count. I’m talking about those friends that scoff anytime there’s vodka within a five mile radius of them because Eye roll. Well now there’s a study that says people who drink gin are more likely…

August 21, 2017
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News Daily: North Korean missile and Grenfell ‘frustration’ – BBC News

Get news from the BBC in your inbox, each weekday morning Grenfell: Survivors express frustration Survivors of the Grenfell Tower fire have held a meeting with a coroner, expressing frustration at a lack of information from the authorities. During the three-hour discussion, Dr Fiona Wilcox, coroner for Westminster, described the scenes inside the building, where at least 80 people died last month, as “apocalyptic”. Meanwhile, the Grenfell response team says…

July 5, 2017
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Accidental Alert Warns California Of An Earthquake That Happened In 1925

The automatically generated report from the U.S. Geological Survey indicated that a magnitude 6.8 quake would occur in the Pacific Ocean 10 miles west of Santa Barbara. As a frame of reference, a magnitude 6.9 earthquakein 1989 killed 63 people and caused $6 billion of damage in California. This should seem like good news, but the false alarm still sent shockwaves through social media. Many automated tweets, synced with the…

June 24, 2017
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Ellen Caught A Guest Stealing And Promptly Roasted Her

To celebrate her shows 14th season,Ellen DeGeneres decided to give audience members some items from The Ellen DeGeneres Showgift shop. The instructions were clear and courteous: Please pick 1 item to commemorate your visit.Only 1 per person please. The host called out Nancy for grabbing too many goods. Let that be a lesson to you. You think nobodys watching you, and you just need to be a good person ……

June 23, 2017
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Chelsea Clinton Has A Very Good Explanation For Her ‘Damaged’ Heels

The outlet tore into a pair of the 37-year-olds slightly worn nude heels, calling them frayed and shredded, and featured zoomed-in photos of those supposed flaws. Clinton later addressed the ridiculous shoe controversyduring an appearance on The Tonight Show last week. She added, I think this is probably something working women particularly working women New Yorkers can empathize with. When you find a good pair of shoes, you just stay…

June 14, 2017
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